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by Neile Donald Walsch
"The
feeling of being hurt is simply an act of forgetfulness. You have
forgotten who you are, you have forgotten who the other is, and you
have forgotten what you are both doing here. You have melted into the
dream, the maya, you have become the illusion. You are living the story
you have created, as a playwright who has fallen asleep and is dreaming
that he is living his own script." -- Tomorrow's God, p.337.
People
hurt each other in relationships because they do. It's just part of
life. Nobody hurts another out of villainous intent. Remember these two
important teachings: "No one ever acts inappropriately, given their
model of the world," and "All attack is a call for help." People hurt
each other because they want something they think they can't have, or
have something they don't want. They are in one of the above two
conditions, and they don't know what to do about it. They think that
the only method of getting their way, having their desires met, etc.,
is to hurt another. They do not HAVE to do this, but they do not know
that. They do not understand how to "have what they want," or "not have
what they don't want," without hurting another. They do not know what
every master throughout the ages has taught: "You are a part of God.
All you desire -- all the joy, safety, security, contentment, love and
peace which you are seeking (often through others) already lies within
yourself. Go within and find out for yourself."
The
problem is education, not intent. Greet each instance of hurt with
compassion and love. Compassion for the other person's lack of
understanding (we have all been there at one time or another), love for
the other person's humanness and their attempt; however apparently
misguided; to solve their dilemma and keep on trying to make life work.
We are engaged here in a process of Becoming, of Creating, of Being.
Some of us are Being more than others. That's just how it Is. That's
what I call an "Isness." It's just what's true. Accept that with a
smile. Embrace that with love in your heart. Understand, deeply, that
no one really wants to hurt you. They simply do it inadvertently; or
perhaps, indeed, on purpose; because they know no other way to have the
experience they desire.
The
next time someone hurts you, ignore the hurt and go to the only
question which matters: "What do you want or need so badly that you
feel you have to hurt me to get it?" You can ask this question
silently, in your heart, or, if you have a particularly open and honest
relationship with the other, you can actually address the question
verbally. Try it sometime. It is a terrific argument stopper. It is a
terrific abuse ender.
"What do you want or need so badly that you feel you have to hurt me to get it?"
"What is it that you want to have, or feel, right now?"
"Is there a way I can help you to have that without giving up who I am?"
Even
asked silently, in your own heart, these questions can change the
moment so dramatically, so immediately, so powerfully, that you won't
even know what happened. And your "partner" in the dance will wonder
what new level of Mastery you've gone to!
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